Here's to hoping

And I want you to care.
Want you to notice.
Scream cry yell punch. Anything.
I want you to feel something, DO soommeethhinng (you've been so numb) and this is how I'm feeling and I've been thinking for Christmas I want a punching bag cause I got a lot of emotions. Of pain and dissapointment and sadness and I'm not sure how to express that without silently letting it erupt within me.

But each day I wait cause everyday is a second chance and a new day (so we say) so I wait for a sound. Even if it's not what I've been wanting to hear. But nothing seems to show...
Because feelings are the gum under the desk. Annoying, disgusting, and in the wrong places.
And I want to say I hate you while saying I love you. I'm so emotionally exhausted.
Because do you even see my effort?
Let me give

Give


Give



Give.
Draining all of myself.
For you and having to fill myself up again. and again. and again. because you haven't been there. It's creating holes in my bucket to the point where I can't fill myself up all the way now without most of it draining out. And its getting so heavy and I need you to care. To tape the holes shut and make me fill full again. Help lift it up. Help lift me up.


Oh but it's getting so exhausting.






Hoping.

traffic in the sky

and they should really invest in getting street lights

and stop signs

cause it's getting awfully busy up with the clouds.

 

 

I'm looking up,  pulling myself up there,

we all are.

our hearts, eyes, and minds

you'll find them there here.

 

 

That's why its so busy.

 

 

He says I'm wasting my time,

"Stop daydreaming."

 and

 "Get your head outta the sky."

 

 

But he's a hypocrite. He's up here too.

Everyone is.

 

We all think "this place is our own."

Yet we're all really sharing it and that's how we're all able to connect down below.

 

But it's difficult to do so.

 

Sharing my place...filled with the heart, eyes, and mind of my ever being.

 

 

There's traffic in the sky and it's clouding up my vision.

 

but we're all just gonna have to make room,

 cause I like it up here best.

 

 

here layed a self made kid

 

indeed she is perfect. jussttt a little bit out of her mind.
you missed it.
lets list it.
- .....
nah nah nah lets just stop there.
                       
cause you care about being different....

 

       And im trying to be different.

<be different>

>eb tnereffid<

 

 

 

But I'm not a poet nor writer. no matter how badly my heart longs for the words as well as my hands waiting for that moment to burst with the energy of magically writing something

great. I haven't found that label that everyone's got. 

kreate-eve

am i unable?

probably.

 

let me inspire you, would you? I'd like to.

Here's the lesson taught to the kid.

just because your mom told you were great doesn't mean that you really are. silly boy.

Let me tell you who does. Your peers and your fears.

Because of course they're the ones who want the success for you, sees that potential that's inside of you. not mom.

 I want to be gold but they're telling me I'm bronze. And when did colors depict value. And all this because I wanted to be all the colors you could name or see and more so. I decided right then,

I'd be a self made kid.

 

Good vibes

List of my favorites:

Sunday canyon drives 
Leaves changing in the fall
Ice cream cones on the beach 
New pair of shoes 
Singing in the car with the windows down
Summer nights at a carnival 
Hot chocolate cuddled up by a fire
Your favorite movie with a good cuddler
Small loving notes & gifts left on doorsteps 
A good book in a hammock 
Running in a rain storm
Late night deep talks 
Homemade grilled cheese with tomato soup
Sun beating down on your skin 
Picking flowers 
Combat boots with your coziest sweater 
Being called "pretty girl"
Kisses from the cousins 
Piggyback rides 
Camp fires
Rooftop late night talks
Sneaking out

 

 

Brick

Brick. Alright. Where's the inspiration. Obviously I've put this off to the last day, no no no. Not for what you think though. I'm not a procrastinator?? (I am sarcastic though) I just really wanted to wait and save up all my inspiration and write soemthing really good. Something people would read and be like wow. And this was just suppose to be about a brick ????

But yeah...still got nothing.

I mean what is there even to say about a brick? It does like one thing but I guess if you get all weirdly creative you can come up with more things that it does. But to most people bricks: they're useless except for one thing. Building houses. 

Maybe though soemthing you haven't thought about is how this relates to you. Most people... they think the same about themselves. That they're useless. "What can I do that's even important and people actually care about." I just do what I'm build to do. But that's nothing extraordinary is it?

I mean sure a brick is just a brick. It's true. It's nothing really too special or different or outstanding. 

But look at what it can create. Focus on what it becomes. 

Maybe we can relate to this and do the same. 

Or maybe we don't and we just get to cross off our to do list:

"write a blogpost about a brick." 

1,000,000

A million things I gotta do. 

lists 
lists 
lists. 
A million chances.

take

take 

take.

A million places I want to go. 

see

see

see.

A million people.

meet 

meet 

meet.

A million breaths. 

inhale 

exhale

inhale. 

And people wonder why I stress so much.