Here's to hoping

And I want you to care.
Want you to notice.
Scream cry yell punch. Anything.
I want you to feel something, DO soommeethhinng (you've been so numb) and this is how I'm feeling and I've been thinking for Christmas I want a punching bag cause I got a lot of emotions. Of pain and dissapointment and sadness and I'm not sure how to express that without silently letting it erupt within me.

But each day I wait cause everyday is a second chance and a new day (so we say) so I wait for a sound. Even if it's not what I've been wanting to hear. But nothing seems to show...
Because feelings are the gum under the desk. Annoying, disgusting, and in the wrong places.
And I want to say I hate you while saying I love you. I'm so emotionally exhausted.
Because do you even see my effort?
Let me give

Give


Give



Give.
Draining all of myself.
For you and having to fill myself up again. and again. and again. because you haven't been there. It's creating holes in my bucket to the point where I can't fill myself up all the way now without most of it draining out. And its getting so heavy and I need you to care. To tape the holes shut and make me fill full again. Help lift it up. Help lift me up.


Oh but it's getting so exhausting.






Hoping.