Now you see me

I pictured this revealing as an ending. But actually introductions are always how stories begin. And it's been raining all day. Washing away all the lies and uncovering all the hiding spots. And I've been thinking how it's making things clear. 

We've learned we're all just the same. With broken hearts and big dreams. Wanting to be real and thinking step one was to hide. And we're all wrong.

Cause step one is bravery. 

It is okay that you're broken. and mad. and fell into love. and sad. and lonely. And hurt. And scared. And dreaming. 

Paris has been whispering it all along. And just because it's time to go and we got a new destination listed on our plane ticket doesn't mean we have to forget the voice,

This is for you... 

Have you found you? 

To Paris: 

Thanks for sparking in us the dream. For helping us find the courage to finally start the beginning of the story. 

It starts out with an introduction:

Ashley Martin 

Its been in my pocket

I remember the Christmas in July's we created.
Maybe we were a little selfish and just wanted gifts more often.maybe. No yeah that's why.
I also remember still being friends, which feels like a whole life ago.

I remember all of us being out too late every night that summer, the cops knew us as the "usuals"
I remember we'd talk about things that couldn't be made sense of, the questions that didn't have answers. And I bet you remember I always got mad those nights because I wanted the answers.

Like why you had to push her away. I hope you know you broke her heart.

I remember the sorrys I wished you'd say every time it got a little rainy (which was all too often) but I just ended up telling myself them.
I remember the promise you made about taking me on your roof to watch the sunset.
I remember knowing it wouldn't actually happen.

I remember when sluffing school got you the label of "rebel" and the moms talking, "don't be hanging with that girl, that kind of influence is not good for you."
I remember when we use to hand out valentine cards to eveyone in class, where now we're stuck waiting for a love that doesn't appear every 14th,
I remember thinking I still had time. And the regret that came shortly after.
I remember where you sat. Front row, 3 over.
I remember treat Friday. Terrible thursday 5th grade worksheets.

I remember when the 5$ we made from our lemonade stand made us feel so accomplished and rich. Although we'd split it, 2 dollars and 2 quarters still felt like you got the whole world in your pocket.

I remember your suburban how you parked on the side of the road in the canyon. You sang to me with your eyes looking down I knew cause mine were locked on you. You told me I had to pick 2 of 3 to tell you. So I picked 1 and made all 3 about you.

I remember thinking my act score didn't matter. Surprise to me: it does, here's to no scholarship. Congrats, let's celebrate.

I remember your face that day you saw everyone jump out and yell happy birthday. You had tears in your eyes and never did you cry.

I remember....
because how could I forget.
They've been in my pocket for 17 years.

b&w

I can remember still the exact room because I recognize my heart that's spilled out

all over the floor. 

I tried cleaning it up the last time I visited but I think it just made the stain bigger.